maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize