My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize