She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
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Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
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Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize