I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
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I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
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I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
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