whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
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I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
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The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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