Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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