Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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