I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i will never coherently bang her
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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