i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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