Me too!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize