Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
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Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
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I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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