i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize