now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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