Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
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I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
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Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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