I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
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The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
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And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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