I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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