There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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