im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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