can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
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I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
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I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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