i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
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...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
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You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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