I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize