There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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