This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
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I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
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I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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