I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
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Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
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I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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