I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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