I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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