Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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