Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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