after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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