You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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