dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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