so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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