there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
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If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
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I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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