the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
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You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
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Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
try to milk me bitch
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