Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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