Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize