I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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