And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize