The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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