i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize