Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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