I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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