OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
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Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
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Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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