just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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