Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
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Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize