i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
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What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
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That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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