I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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