She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
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Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
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We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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