actually, I'm a sock model
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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