Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize